Life isn’t a journey that was intended on going through alone! We have a savior that loves and cares for us daily, He thinks of you specifically and died on the cross for you intentionally.
The desires and motives of your heart will ultimately determine the outcome of our actions. There is no gray area when it comes to the Bible and God's commandments.
God knows the matters of your heart. Time and time again He reminds us of how much He cares for each of us specifically; God knows our exact wants and needs before we ask Him of them.