Lonely

As a 33 years old, single, young adult, who has spent a large portion of life out on my own the one question I get asked quite frequently is do you ever feel lonely?

And the truth is, while yes, I am physically alone and live on my own, I have never felt lonely or alone…actually, I take that back, I have felt lonely, but we’ll get to that in a second. Truth be told even on my own there have been times I felt lonely and to figure out why that was the case or what caused the feeling of loneliness first we need to understand the difference between being lonely and being alone.

Let’s start with the word lonely. What does it mean to be lonely? According to Dictionary.com it means being “affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome.” Essentially being lonely is an emotional reaction caused by the state of being alone. It is a feeling we get when we sense the absence of another’s presence; physical or even spiritual.

So, then what does it mean to be alone? According to Dictionary.com it means being “separate, apart, or isolated from others.” Simply put being alone is the physical state of being on your own and not surrounded by others; isolated or otherwise disengaged.

In the process of writing, God convicted me with a question that slightly derailed my whole thought process (not surprising at all as the Lord works in mysterious ways and loves convicting His children to get them back on track). The question that God put on my heart was “is feeling lonely a sin?” Obviously, the physical state of being alone is not a sin, I mean throughout the Bible there are many instances where God’s people spent time isolated, away from the world, focused on prayer and/or fasting in order to draw closer with God. Even in Mark 1:35 we read of how Jesus woke up early one day to go out in a solitary space to pray and spend time with God “And in the morning, rising up a great while before day, he went out, and departed into a solitary place, and there prayed.” Therefore, we can confirm that being alone and spending time alone, isolated from others, whether it be on our own or in prayer with God is not a sin. But how about being lonely and the emotional state of loneliness, is that a sin?

Let’s dig a little deeper. Why do we feel lonely? To many, loneliness develops as an emotional reaction towards a friend or loved one leaving or not having them present. To an individual who doesn’t know God personally, feeling lonely may be a common occurrence; one that causes the individual to feel empty or disconnected without the presence of another physical being to accompany them, but to a Christian, to a child of God, loneliness shouldn’t even be a possibility should it? I mean think about it, when you accept Christ into your life you place your entire faith in Him, meaning nothing else in the world comes close to that relationship and the love that you have for Him; you are blessed with the presence of the Holy Spirit in your life and reassured throughout God’s Word that God is with you wherever you go:

Isaiah 41:10 says this “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.” 

Deuteronomy 31:6 says this “Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”

Joshua 1:9 says this “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Romans 8:38-39 says this “For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

The Bible constantly reminds believers to fear not, be of good courage, God is with us wherever we go. No matter what, God promises to be with us and never leave us. This includes even those moments where we might feel alone or neglected, as if there’s no one else in the world left to rely on, no one that we can trust or put our hope in. No one that is except for God. So how is that even after all this understanding of God’s Word and the presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives do we still find ourselves feeling lonely? How can we as children of God still come to a place where we feel lost and hopeless when our God promises never to leave us and that He is always with us?

The truth is quite simple but it’s not going to be a popular answer. It’s you; specifically, your sin nature, more specifically it’s something you’ve done that has created a barrier between you and God. You see when you sin and haven’t come to the Lord with forgiveness in your heart, you begin to create a barrier between you and God. Sin doesn’t draw you closer to God, it pushes you further away from Him. It is that very same sin that once hurt God’s relationship with Adam and Even back in Genesis that now afflicts our life today and comes in between our relationship with God. The more you sin the more you go against God and push Him further away from you. 

Isaiah 59:2 says this “But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you, that he will not hear.”

Ultimately, the choice is yours but sometimes we make the wrong choice. God has given you free will and ability to make the right choice but there are times where we choose to consciously make the decision of hurting God, either with our thoughts or our actions; no matter what that sin is it still brings God pain, causing Him to hide His face from us which in turn causes His presence in our life become less apparent and the feeling of loneliness more prevalent. Your sin has a reaction, and that reaction is pain to God and loneliness for you.

Let’s try and put this into perspective. Think of a normal friendship/relationship that you have, now imagine that friend saying something hurtful to you or doing something to you that potentially brings you pain, and heartache wouldn’t that make you want to pull away from your friend or hide yourself from them? Don’t you think that this reaction would then cause your friend to feel lonely? The same thing happens in our relationship with God when we sin. The moment you accept Christ into your life you welcome Him into a relationship with you and by doing that every thought and action you have going forward affects that relationship. To put it simply, when you do good things and think good thoughts you build on your relationship with God and bring Him joy, alternatively, when you do bad things or think bad thoughts you hurt God and bring Him pain. As a Christian God is our closest friend therefor every action we make and thought we have affected that relationship either in a positive or negative manner.

The good news here is that even if we make the conscious decision to sin against God and hurt Him with our thoughts or our actions, God is merciful and forgiving. You don’t have to go through life feeling lonely or separated from Him. I understand this pain, trust me, I’m not perfect. I know what it’s like to make poor choices and hurt God with our actions, I’ve been there before. I’ve let my mind wander to places it shouldn’t, I’ve had desires in my heart I know were wrong, I’ve done and said things that have brought pain to others and ultimately have lived life in a way I know wasn’t pleasing to God. Living in this manner may seem appealing at first, it may bring you some sort of temporary happiness, but it’s not real joy, it’s a lie that the devil uses to pull you further away from God pushing you deeper into a state of self-sufficiency and loneliness, but it doesn’t have to be that way; you can say no to sin and run to God, I guarantee that He will always be waiting for you with open arms. 1 John 1:9 says this “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Even in your darkest moments where you may feel shame or guilt simply call upon God and He will hear you. You don’t need to spend another moment feeling lonely. Whatever your burdens are, whatever poor choices you’ve made take them to the Lord, confess your sins and He will be quick to forgive.

So, is feeling lonely a sin? Well, if your decision to hurt God with your thoughts or your actions causes a rift in your relationship with God therefore making you feel lonely because of the absence of God’s presence in your life then yes feeling lonely becomes a sin. I guarantee that God never wants you to feel lonely because then that would mean there’s a barrier of some kind coming in between your relationship with Him and more than anything God doesn’t want there to be anything standing in the way of that relationship. It’s okay to be alone, in fact follow in the footsteps of Jesus and seek those solitary moments of quiet time with God where you can escape the world and spend precious time with Him. God loves you and more than anything He wants to grow in that relationship and sometimes that means stepping away from any distractions and spending time alone with Him.

Don’t let yourself come to point of feeling lonely. More than anything God desires for you to feel content in His presence. If you are feeling lonely today, examine your relationship with God and search your heart for what might be coming in between your relationship with Him. Ask yourself. Is there something I’ve been hiding or holding back? Is there someone I’ve hurt with my actions? Is there something I’ve done that needs forgiveness? If you’re feeling lonely then maybe there’s some sin in your life that’s holding you back from experiencing God’s presence in your life. Whatever it is, no sin is too big or too shameful that God wouldn’t forgive you. Daniel 9:9 says this “The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him.” Even when we make the choice to rebel against God and hurt him with our sin, He is merciful, and He is forgiving.

Stop hiding in the dark and struggling with your loneliness and start asking for forgiveness, come humbly to the foot of the cross and reach out to God in prayer, the moment you do you’ll feel a weight off your shoulders and grow closer in your relationship with Him.

📍Lake Wenatchee